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Easter Changes... my Self-Worth March 31, 2017

It didn’t make sense. I had the greatest job in the world. I worked with the greatest people, helped create things to inspire others to live out God’s Word, and had a front row seat to see how God is moving in our community. Yet, I was waking up every day dreading leaving my house. I dreaded it so much that, most mornings, I was physically ill. I finally sought out therapy.  When I explained how I was feeling to my therapist, he had me take a series of tests.  The results shocked me. 

My self-worth was in the toilet and my anxiety was through the roof.  

You see, my self- worth had become wrapped up in my relationships with family and friends, my job, and my success. So I did everything in my power to keep everything going great. The problem was, life happens. If any one of those things became even the slightest bit rocky, it felt like my entire world was crashing down around me, and I would scramble to piece it back together.

I would like to say that prayer and being in God’s word drew me out of the horrible cycle I was in, but they didn’t. Not on their own, anyway. 

Not because they aren’t powerful, but because I wouldn’t choose to allow that power into my life. My faith in God- who He says He is and in His promises- was pretty non-existent. I began, with the help of my therapist, the practice of reciting truths about God whenever I felt worthless. It wasn’t that I didn’t know enough about God or understand enough about God, it was that I didn’t believe that He could rescue me. 

I started reading my Bible differently. Instead of always searching for ways to better myself, I began looking at how God knits His story together and how He ALWAYS fulfills His promises. The evidence that I serve a faithful God is undeniable. He comes through 100% of the time. The Easter Story is proof.  I needed to truly trust in Him. Something I’m not sure I ever really did. 

Slowly, and with constant reminders from myself and trusted friends, my heart and my head reconnected and I began to choose to trust in God.  

The one and only constant in my life is God and His unfailing love.  

I was recently asked “How are you doing?” When I responded, “I’m doing well!”  The other person then followed up with this:

“Speaking of doing ‘well,’ I want to ask you about that.  I’ve noticed you seem well. What do you attribute that to?”

Here is my answer: 

I am a broken and sinful person. I fall short of the glory of God every single day. I don’t always do the right thing, speak kind words, selflessly act on behalf of others.  I am not the best friend, sister, daughter, fiancé, or employee. I mess that stuff up daily.

But my God and Creator loves me. His will is at work in my life even through my imperfection. I rest in His promises of mercy, grace, and peace. His works have proven He is faithful. My worth is found in Christ, God’s son. 

He is unchanging, He is constant, and He is faithful.